


Running Away, Running Back

by robronsugsy



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-05-30
Packaged: 2018-04-01 12:31:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 19,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4019827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robronsugsy/pseuds/robronsugsy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Aaron did was run - from his demons both old and new, his life in Emmerdale, and his love for Robert - until he couldn't run anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Victoria didn't know what to say when she found out about Aaron and Robert. Her brother - her straight, married, womanizing brother - had been sleeping with a man, but not just any man - a man she knew all too well and was close to - for months, and it wasn't something she could take in easily. It was such a left field thing, that it hit her sideways and she didn't know how to recover from the blow. All she knew, is that whatever had happened, now, lives were destroyed.

 

She remembers the day all too clearly - she and Adam had only recently returned from their absconding, something they both regretted. The problems with Ashley had been solved, they were in the clear and they could finally get back to normality - but she should of known it wouldn't last long. Shouting filled the pub as she witnessed Chrissie, followed by Robert, followed by Aaron walking through into the pub, Chrissie running away with tears running down her cheeks, Robert hot on her heels, tears forming in his eyes and Aaron, much the same. Words spilled from Chrissie's lips 'you bastard, you gay, cheating bastard', which despite their bluntness, didn't make anyone click on as to what had happened. It wasn't until Chas - quite smugly, announced that Robert had been sleeping with Aaron for months behind everyone's backs, that everyone now knew what had gone on. Robert had rushed after his wife, while Aaron ran into the back room.

 

Both she, Adam and Chas rushed after him, she filled with questions but Chas taking the lead asking him how could he go back to him after everything - a move that made it clear she had known - and how much of a stupid, lovesick little boy he was. But her words were nothing compared to the venomous ones that had poured from Adam's mouth. She didn't quite take them all in, but all she could take from it was that Adam was furious that not only he kept it from him, but he'd lied to him all along, and how the revelation had made him click on that the business was just a cover up and that Aaron probably wouldn't of bothered with the business otherwise. He spouted name after name, bastard, dickhead, cunt, and more to his best friend, which just left Aaron with a whispered 'sorry' before he rushed off.

 

The next few days were hard - Aaron had gone, no one knowing where he'd disappeared to, only taking his car and the clothes off his back - not his phone, other keys or wallet, just the clothes on his back, his car key and his car. Robert had once again crumbled which everyone presumed was at the failure of his marriage - a move that gained sympathy from no one, as his family had refused to speak to him for messing up again. Chrissie and Lawrence had made their threats, ones they were sure to carry out at some point, but it seemed they were both more than content to just watch Robert destroy himself to begin with and hide away at Home Farm away from everyone else, who didn't really have much sympathy for her either.

 

Victoria wanted to do something, and although she was furious with her brother, she wanted to understand. So she, Andy and Diane had gone to see Robert at the B&B where they had a frank discussion about the situation. Robert had told them how he and Aaron "just happened" and that neither of them went looking for it, it just sprung on them as a bit of fun, but how it'd grown into something else but despite everything - he loved his wife and would never leave her. They should of been furious at him for hurting Chrissie but they weren't - they were furious because they were sure Robert had just used Aaron, and that he'd manipulated Aaron's weaknesses to get his end away. They were sure that Robert's pain was due to loosing his wife, and that they just couldn't believe how heartless he had been in destroying the lives of both people.

 

It wasn't until a few days later, a worn down weak Robert had stumbled into the pub, drunk, demanding Chas tell him where Aaron had gone, that he couldn't live without him and needed him because he loved him so much - words he then repeated to a shocked Chrissie, who was completely taken away at his admission at just how much Aaron meant to him - that they realized just how much Robert actually did care. They were sure it was nothing to him, but the way he was acting, the words he was saying - it became clear to everyone that Robert did genuinely love Aaron, but now had to deal with the fact he was gone.

 

The following weeks, months were much of the same, but over time, things calmed down. Aaron never returned, no one knowing where he'd gone. Chas, Cain, Adam, even Robert had all gone looking, tried digging but found nothing. Adam and Chas both deeply regretted their words - or at least did when a hurt and angry Paddy lashed out at them for abandoning Aaron in his hour of need while he himself was away, unknown of what had gone down. Robert had built himself up to come crashing down several times, still unable to recover over loosing Aaron. But they'd all become closer because of it - even Chas and Robert, who shared mutual guilt in letting him go. And from then on, they all tried to move on from it...


	2. 7 Months Later

Aaron couldn't even describe what the last year had been like in his life. From beginning the affair with Robert, to sitting here now, in his car, he'd been on a whirlwind of anger, lust, love, sadness, sorrow, guilt and pain. It was indescribable. Aaron couldn't even begin to recount everything that had happened, especially since leaving Emmerdale over 7 months ago. He'd left, not because he was a coward, not because he was scared of what the Whites might do to him, but because he needed to be selfish for once. He was very good at taking all he deserved, but even Aaron knew, if he stayed in the village any longer, it'd of killed him. Not just emotionally... literally killed him. He'd be buried in a grave because nothing could of helped him recover from the emotional and mental rollercoaster he'd of had to endure. He'd hurt so many people, people he loved, cared about. He couldn't sit around and watch the Whites destroy lives because of him.

 

He never contacted anyone. Not his family, not his friends, no one. Aaron started a clean slate, or as clean as he could, with no one to support him. But he was good at being alone, he was never happy or healthy being alone, but he was good at it nevertheless. He was sure they were all better off without him, and part of him thought that leaving meant the Whites would spare his family - only a small part, but he had to cling onto it to make sure he never went back. Because he wasn't healthy yet - he wasn't strong enough for himself, let alone anyone else.

 

And although he thought the next stage in his life, away from Emmerdale might make him stronger...

 

It did the opposite.

 

So Aaron was sat in his car, driving, over seven months since leaving, heading back to the place he called home. He'd always call home.

 

He didn't know what he'd expect on return. He realized, if he went back, and everyone hated him, everyone pushed him out, then it wouldn't of been his decision anymore. He wouldn't of made the decision to stay away, they'd of made it for him. So he could leave again, knowing he wasn't wanted. But there was always a flicker of hope, what with it being his decision - that he'd return and maybe he would be wanted, they'd want him to stay. He wasn't sure if that's what he wanted, but he was in such a vulnerable place he needed to see. He'd not tell them all the things that'd happened in the seven months... the things they kept him up at night, changed who he was, haunted him. He didn't want the sympathy. As far as they would be aware, he had been fine, he had coped and he certainly hadn't gone through intense pain the way he had done.

 

He parked his car just outside the village - it wasn't the same one he had before, it was a much older, rusted car that he only just managed to afford, after selling his other almost immediately after leaving. But he'd much rather walk there, giving himself more time to take in the familiar scenery as he walked through the village. It was dark, late night by now, and it almost felt like the place was deserted. All he could see or hear, was the loud music from the pub and the lights shining through the windows. Typical, he thought. Although he couldn't tell for sure, the amount of noise coming from the place made him assume that everyone and their mothers were at the pub today. He wondered if it was a party - a celebration maybe. But he soon snapped out of it. He didn't want to analyze the cars outside the pub or houses, he didn't want to know quite yet if he'd see one he recognized and discovered they were still around. It'd only been 7 months, but Aaron didn't have a clue what'd changed. He didn't even know if his family was still around, or Adam, or... _him_.

 

Aaron closed his eyes and took a deep breath, as he paced slowly from the top of the village towards the pub. He diverted his eyes from the front door - there was no way he'd walk through that straight into a pub full of people - he wasn't used to having people around him anymore. He walked to the back door, hesitating, before knocking.

He stood for several moments, before realizing it was likely that everyone was in the bar, and wouldn't hear anyone knocking at the door. So he just tried to open the door, but realized it was locked.

 

He was here now, he couldn't turn back, but there was no way he'd walk through those front doors.

 

So instead, he walked back up to the top of the village, and sat beside a tree, hiding himself from anyone who might pass. He decided he'd wait until the pub was closing, when everyone would leave, and then enter to his fate. Once more, he made sure not to look around at his surroundings, stopping himself from seeing anything that might allude to someone he knew. He didn't know why - after all, he came back to see those people - but still, he wanted the first people he saw, that he recognized, to be his mum at least. He owed her that much.

 

He didn't know how much time had passed - but he soon began to hear voices filtering from the pub. He shut his eyes tight and put his hands to his ears. He tried to shut out the voices, trying not to hear the potentially familiar ones, luckily he was successful as whoever had left the pub had soon gone quiet. He left it another 10 minutes before realizing that the pub must be closed or closing by now, and so, he began his descent.

 

Each step felt like a mile, and every breath felt heavy. The air was cold but Aaron was sweating and shaking. His lip was already trembling with emotion, his eyes already filled with tears. He was going to do something that terrified him - dare he say more than what he'd endured in the last seven months. He had told himself he could deal with the potential rejection, but as he walked closer to the door, he wasn't so sure anymore. He couldn't be rejected - he just couldn't.

 

Aaron finally arrived at the doors and was relieved they were still unlocked. He walked in hearing muffled voices as he stood, hesitantly at the door to the bar. He couldn't tell who was present, but he knew it would only be a few people. He closed his eyes again and took in a deep breath... before entering.


	3. Chapter 3

He'd focused so much on getting there... he wasn't sure what he'd do when he finally got there.

 

Aaron stood and watched as he removed his hood to reveal his face, the handful of people loosing their smiles and calm expressions for those of shock.

Aaron quickly looked around, and saw the faces of all people he knew. Diane, Andy, Victoria, his mum, James, Finn, Adam, Moira, Cain, Ross, Debbie and... Robert. Along with another man, who he didn't know.

But his eyes soon focused to his mum. He missed them all, but he had to go to her first, even if he truly wanted to look straight at Robert.

Chas's face was unreadable. Her jaw was clenched, her face slightly trembling, Aaron could see she was shaking. He just stood and stared at her..

He was about to speak, but he was too scared, to nervous, that he bolted back out the door.

 

He struggled to catch his breath as he held onto his knees, wheezing and coughing. He held his head down as the tears fell from his eyes, before feeling a hand on his back.

 

"Come on lad, calm down."

It was Cain - rubbing his back gently, allowing Aaron to catch his breath before pulling him up and hugging him tightly.

"I've got you, it's alright"

Aaron wasn't used to this sort of care, not just from Cain who it was an even bigger shock, but from anyone. He didn't have the chance to properly react to it before it happened.

"Come on, come back in."

Aaron pulled away as if to run but Cain just looked at him with assurance "I'm here. It's alright."

It took him a few moments, but Aaron walked back in, Cain's arm squeezing at his shoulder for comfort.

 

He stood and faced them all again, all of them now having moved positions to either standing or propped against the bar - all apart from Robert, who remained tight in his seat.

 

"I can't believe you're here."

Aaron turned slightly to see Adam, his expression also unrecognizable. Aaron just stood, mouth open as if to say something, but he had nothing to say. Adam just stared at him, and Aaron stared back, before Adam rushed towards him and hugged him tightly. Aaron broke in his arms, repeating "I'm sorry" over and over again, tears now flowing freely from his eyes as he buries his head into Adam's shoulder. Adam mimicked his actions, continuing to hold on tight, apologizing with tears rolling from his eyes. The two of them stood for some moments, both scared if they let go, they'll loose each other again. But they did, Adam releasing Aaron from his grip, kissing his forehead gently before wiping away his tears and looking to everyone again.

 

Aaron once again stared at his mother, who was slowly making her way around the bar. He didn't know what she was going to do - shout at him, slap him, throw him out. He was ready though, for whatever she did... or so he thought. Chas did much the same as Adam had done, embracing her son warmly and apologized, kissing his face and holding his head as Aaron continued to cry. "I'm so sorry son, I'm so, so sorry, I should never have let you go!".

 

Diane indicated to the others they should leave them to the tender moment. Andy, Victoria, James, Finn, Moira, Cain, Ross, Debbie and the unknown guy all walking.

"Come on Rob" the guy muttered, but his hand was shaken away by Robert, who remained expressionless in his seat.

They all left, and Chas released Aaron from her grip, now looking at Robert.

 

Aaron looked down and took a deep breath, before himself looking at Robert, properly for the first time. His jaw was clenched so tight Aaron was sure he could cut glass, his eyes were watery but no tears were falling. His nostrils were flaring, yet all Aaron could do was stare at him in desperation.

 

The remaining people, including Aaron jumped as Robert furiously leapt from his seat, sending it hurtling to the floor, staring at Aaron before marching into the back. More tears fell from Aaron's eyes, unable to cope with much more. Chas just squeezed his arm as Aaron fell to the floor, sobbing into his hands.

\---

 

Adam opened his eyes the next morning - the sun wasn't quite up yet, but it was light enough that he could see Aaron lying there, fast asleep, in Adam's bed. After Aaron broke down on the floor, Cain suggested it was best that Aaron have some space from the pub. Chas was hesitant, not wanting to lose her son again - but Cain said it was for the best as it was crowded at the pub and Aaron would be overwhelmed. Cain, Moira and Adam all took a broken Aaron home, Adam watching him as Cain put him to bed and covering him with the duvet, Adam sitting on the floor watching him. Adam didn't get much sleep other than a few moments of his eyes closing, but he, like Chas, was worried Aaron might run away again.

 

Looking at him, Adam was sure this was potentially the first time Aaron had slept in a while. The bags under his eyes were huge and dark, and the way Aaron clung to the cover showed him this might have been the first bit of comfort he'd had for months. Adam continued to analyze Aaron's features, making more assumptions as he did. Aaron had obviously lost more weight, not much on him at all and his cheeks were slightly hollow with his bone structure fully apparent. The slight scaring above his right eye told Adam he'd probably had a few fights, with Aaron's red, scared and cut knuckles being all the confirmation he needed. Aaron's clothes were dirty and worn, and the very thin jacket he was wearing suggested to Adam that Aaron hadn't probably many if any other clothes with him. They'd discovered the car but there was nothing in it.

 

Adam was never too good at noticing so much about people but he could tell that Aaron had hard a horrible time of it. He was never too good at looking after himself as it was, Adam thought, and that probably Aaron didn't have anyone to look out for him either in his time away. Adam felt a tear drop from his cheek, before he quickly wiped it away as Aaron stirred in the bed before sitting up.

 

"Hi" was all Aaron produced, giving a small faint smile.

Adam mimicked his actions again, letting out the same faint "Hi" Aaron gave him.

"You want something to eat?"

"Yeah... I'm starving."

 

Aaron walked down the stairs with Adam close behind him, walking into the kitchen to find Moira, Cain and Chas.

"Hiya love... sleep alright?"

Aaron didn't know if she was intentionally acting like normal, or if she just didn't know how to act just like he didn't."

"Good, thanks."

 

Now that the natural light flitted through the windows, Cain, Moira, Adam and Chas could see the physical changes in Aaron. Adam's thoughts of Aaron being much skinnier were confirmed, something they'd not managed to notice when Aaron first appeared the night before. His whole body was covered in various scratches and bruises, his skin dirty.

"Look, I know there is a lot to talk about... but I could really do with a shower. It's... it's been a while."

All their stomachs dropped a little at his words - they could tell, and it just made them all wonder just how he'd been living for the last few months, especially as they knew his bank account hadn't been touched and he took nothing with him of value, or at all.

 

Aaron took a piece of toast before heading upstairs, Adam now sitting at the table with the others.

 

"How did he really sleep?" Chas asked Adam.

"Not sure. He'd be sleeping nice for a bit then he'd break out in a sweat, talking or started screaming, but I got him to calm down. Couldn't really tell what he was saying, just usually saying "No" or "get off me"."

All their stomachs dropped at the prospect of his words. 

 

"Does Paddy know? What about Zak, Lisa?" Moira asked.

"Paddy's away on a course, I phoned Rhona and told her not to tell him until I go see him, I wanna prepare him first. I told Zak and Lisa this morning, they said they'd give him some space first, same goes for everyone else."

"How was Robert?" Adam dared to ask.

"Bottled up. Didn't speak for the rest of the night. He snapped at Louis though, but Louis understood that it was probably hard for him to see Aaron again. I don't think he slept. When I came down, Diane said he'd gone for a walk."

"Do we tell Aaron about.. you know.."

"No" Cain interjected. "Let him just breath first, he's got a lot to catch up on, we don't want him to overdo it."

They all nodded in agreement, before beginning to rustle at the breakfast table.

\---

 

Aaron just stood with his eyes closed, allowing the water to spray over his face. It'd been so long since he had a shower, and even longer since he had a warm one in a house. The feeling.. it was freeing. He could feel the slight pain as the hot water ran again the various cuts and bruises he had... along with... them, on his chest. But the feeling of relief, of calm and relaxation that came from the water was soothing him so the pain was nothing at the moment. He didn't know how long he ended in up there, but his fingers had begun to wrinkle so he knew it was probably time to get out.

He peered out of the door, towel wrapped around his waist before he bolted to Adam's room. He walked in quickly and let out a relief - he couldn't let any of them see his stomach.

 

He quickly got changed into the clothes his mum had provided, much baggier on him now, before heading back downstairs to find Cain, Adam and Chas all still sat around the table.

Aaron sat beside them all, before speaking.

"Right... what do you wanna know."


	4. Chapter 4

He knew they'd ask, and Aaron had already prepared his story nights before. He'd tell them skewed versions of the truth - leaving out the worst bits - and not tell them that he'd been living rough or not eating for some time now, that he'd slept for the last two months in his car, scared to shut his eyes in case... No. He would definitely not tell them about that.

 

"Where have you been?" Chas asked first.

"Everywhere and anywhere. I started in Sheffield, headed to the coast, went further down then back up again really. Stayed put anywhere I could until the work dried up and headed to the next place."

"How.. have you been living?" she continued.

Aaron sighed. "I'm not gonna lie it's not been great, but there have been some nice hotels, hostels I've kipped in. I got a flat at one point but the landlord was a complete tosser so I didn't stay past the first month."

Adam sighed himself. "Why didn't you just come back mate?"

Aaron hesitated, holding his head down. "I just... I thought it was better. If I stayed away, I thought they wouldn't hurt any of you. They'd give up and move on. I didn't know how you all felt after it all, I just didn't... I wasn't in a place to just turn back up and go back to normal. I needed space to think. I didn't wanna come back unless I was ready, until I knew I could cope with it all."

They all had numerous questions, but Aaron was the next one to speak.

"How... how's it been? Here?"

He didn't want to know before, but now he was back, and he seemed certain they all were fine, he didn't see the harm in finding out.

"It was hard, at first. Chrissie and Lawrence were determined, I'll tell you that. But we all stuck together and held them off. They left a few months back now, they got tired of trying. Once the legal stuff between her and Robert had finalized, she wasn't gonna stick around much longer."

"They didn't... hurt anyone.. did they?"

The trio just looked at one another.

"A few cuts and bruises for some of us, but we survived." Cain added, smiling to reassure Aaron they were fine.

"What about... him?"

They all once again looked at one another, none of them wanting to talk.

"Just tell me. I don't care what, just... tell me."

"He was a mess. For the first few months of it all. He missed you terribly. None of us believed him or trusted him but he got himself in a state one night demanding I tell him where you were. Made a right show of himself, in front of Chrissie too. Saying how much he needed you. But Vic and Diane got him through it. Andy was mad at first for obvious reasons, but he knew his brother needed him."

Aaron felt a mixture of pain and relief from his mothers words. He didn't like the thought that Robert had gone through it all alone, he hated himself that, despite being part of the cause of the mess, he'd left Robert to deal with it all. But he couldn't handle the potential rejection from Robert once the affair had come out, especially as they weren't on good terms at the time.

"Go on."

Chas sat wide eyed as she looked to her son.

"I know you're hiding something. I'm not gonna break if you tell me. I can handle it."

Adam braced himself before speaking. "He.. he met someone. A few months back now. Picked him up and helped him deal with it all. He's... he's a nice lad, called Louis. Robert settled down a bit when he came on the scene."

Aaron didn't want to, but the knowledge of Robert moving on killed him inside, so much so he couldn't help but nod in acknowledgement as tears ran down his face.

Chas put out her hand on Aaron's arm. "Are you okay love?"

Aaron just nodded again. "If he's happy... then maybe it was all worth it."

And he meant it. If Robert was finally free to be himself and be happy with it, then maybe everything they went through was for good. Although Aaron could never be happy knowing the love of his life didn't want him, didn't need him any more, Robert was happy. And that's all Aaron wanted now.

 

"I'm sorry I just... I just need a bit. I'm just gonna go for a walk. I won't be long."

Aaron darted from his chair and stumbled outside, catching his breath. It was a lot to take in at once. Plus, he couldn't take the fact that he was sure more questions would be asked that he wasn't potentially ready to answer.

 

He walked around for a bit, before he found himself at the Scrap Yard. He didn't have the intention of heading there, but it just seemed to happen. He smiled faintly, seeing it again. Everything looked the same - it was open, for starters. Aaron presumed that Adam must have got someone to help him out, or even join the business as an owner at this point.

"It's doing well"

Aaron's thoughts were interrupted at Adam walked up beside him.

"Ross of all people came in and helped. Turns out he's not a bad grafter when he wants to be. Him and Debbie made a go of things." Aaron looked in shock. "Yeah, her and Ross had a thing, Pete was furious but he moved on. Ross wanted something stable so he came to me. We've done well from it. I don't know if I'd of survived otherwise-"

Aaron looked down in guilt. "I didn't mean it like that mate. Seriously, I'm not mad at you for it."

"Did Chrissie and Lawrence-"

"-Yeah" Adam interrupted. "They took the 10k out of the business, but mum helped me out and so did Cain. I paid them back a few weeks ago actually, so any profit now goes into our back pockets!"

Aaron smiled at Adam's proud smile. He was glad Adam had made a proper go of it.

"There's a job waiting... if you want it. You still are an owner, and I split the profits between the three of us. Ross wasn't too happy at first but I told him what for!"

"Adam I can't-"

"- You can. And you will. Alright?"

Aaron smiled again, before turning around leaning against the wall.

"I don't even know what to do next."

Adam just watched him, before daring to speak.

"Maybe you should go see him?"

Aaron looked at Adam in shock.

"Come on. I saw your face last night, and his. You need to talk, at least. It's gotta happen sooner rather than later."

Aaron held his head down once again for possibly the thousandth time.

"I don't know if I can..."

"I know mate. But I think you need to. For both of you."

Aaron knew he was right. So he decided he would.

 

He had to go see Robert.


	5. Chapter 5

The stares were unbearable. It felt like he was on display as he walked through the village, people stopping and staring, watching him, whispering to one another. Aaron just kept his head down and walked along, knowing that although this was bad - facing Robert would be worse.

 

He had a good idea of what they all probably thought of him - it was only the same things he'd thought of himself. But right now, he just didn't have the energy to deal with them all.

"You heading to the pub?"

Aaron turned to find Victoria, who had now latched onto his arm, Aaron flinching at the contact, which didn't go unnoticed by her.

"Yeah."

"Are you going to see-"

"-Yeah."

Victoria sighed before placing her head on his arm.

"Are you sure you're ready for it?"

"I think I've left it long enough already don't you?"

"Alright then." she sighed, before walking with Aaron to the pub.

 

The two of them entered, Diane giving Aaron a nod and an "alright pet" as he walked in. Aaron just nodded back. "Is he here?"

"In the back love."

Aaron prepared himself a moment. He could do this. He had to.

Aaron walked with meaning around the bar, before stalling at the door, hearing a conversation.

 

"I'm sorry alright, I didn't mean to-"

"-Don't. It's alright. I understand there's gotta be a lot of unfinished business between the two of you."

"It was.. just seeing him again..."

"I know. It's hard. But just think, you can finally put it all to bed and move on from it now. We can move on together. I love you."

"I love you too."

 

Aaron felt tears roll down his cheeks once more - he'd lost count at this point. He couldn't see them but they just sounded so... happy. Content. Loving. Aaron didn't want to ruin it. He knew Robert needed an explanation but how could he now? Knowing that everything Aaron ever wanted from Robert, he had given to someone else? Everything they'd endured... it was all worthless now.

Aaron doubled back and began walking back through to the bar, only to halt as the door to the back room opened.

"Oh. Hi."

Aaron turned to find the guy - Louis - standing at the door, pausing.

"Hi." Aaron said, trying to hide the bitterness he had now harboured.

"Look I can come back later-"

"-No. I was just leaving anyway, I think you two have a lot to talk about."

 

Aaron hated that he was so nice. He was skinny - not as skinny as Aaron now was - but healthy and toned, Aaron guessed. He had a golden natural tan, short wavy brown hair, no sign of any stubble. His eyes were wide and pure white with pools of blue in them. His clothing was laid back, yet it seemed like he was some sort of model. Aaron would of laughed at just how perfect he looked if he wasn't so nervous and scared.

 

Louis looked back at who Aaron presumed would be Robert, before walking past Aaron, ensuring not to bump into him, before saying goodbye to Diane and walking away.

 

Aaron once again took a deep breath before walking in.

 

Robert was sat on the sofa, looking to the wall. His trademark jaw clenching in full tact, his expression serious. He didn't look at Aaron, he just continued to look to the wall.

Aaron approached carefully, not wanting to sit beside him and seem out of place, so instead he stood beside the sofa, hands picking at the material, looking for the words to say.

 

"I-I don't know.. I don't know what to say."

Robert didn't speak or react.

"I-I know sorry is never going to cut it.. but-"

"Stop. Just... stop."

Aaron put his head down in shame.

"Why are you back?"

Aaron continued to now stare at the arm of the chair.

"I had to."

Silence..

 

"You stopping?"

"That depends I suppose."

"On?"

"If I'm wanted."

 

This wasn't going the way he thought. He expected anger, tears, fury... Robert wasn't giving him any of that. He was being calm and collected.

 

"Well your mum and Adam will. And the rest of your family. They've been through enough worry without you leaving again."

"I suppose."

"Suppose?" Robert had turned his head slightly, but not enough to look at Aaron.

"Look, if it's too hard me being here-"

"Why would it be hard? What happened happened, we can't change it now. Decisions were made. You live your life I live mine it's as simple as that."

 

Robert was still being totally calm.. it was unnerving.

 

"Look Aaron, your family want you here. You shouldn't leave because it's a bit uncomfortable. It'll pass. We can all live in the same village contently."

Aaron wasn't sure of how to react. "If so you say."

"I do."

 

Aaron ruffled his brow in confusion, in surprise.

"Well.. I suppose, I'll see you around..."

"Yeah" Robert answered quickly.

 

He didn't want to... he knew he shouldn't. He'd done so well up to this point. He didn't need to look at him, he didn't need to see him. Nope. Not at all. Maybe...

 

Robert looked back momentarily, hoping that Aaron had gone and left. But what he saw when he looked back was a crying Aaron standing at the door with his hand on the frame looking at Robert. Their eyes met for a moment, but as soon as Aaron realized Robert had seen him looking, he walked away. Robert darted his head back and clasped his knuckles together, already white from the built-up anger he'd been holding onto the moment Aaron walked in the room. He heard the door shut, before he burst into tears into his hands, crying uncontrollably.

 

He'd done so well...


	6. Chapter 6

Aaron didn't know where to go from here. His encounter with Robert, although hadn't gone the way he'd expected, had hurt him more than he thought it would. He couldn't cry any more - Aaron wasn't sure if there would ever be any tears again. He had just walked out of the pub, ignoring the calls from both Victoria and Diane as he did so. He didn't speak, he didn't react, he just walked.

* * *

 

Victoria walked into the back room, Diane shortly behind her.

"Is everything okay?" she dared to ask in a hushed tone.

Robert was in the kitchen, busying himself making a drink with a small smile on his face.

"Yeah fine, why wouldn't it be?"

"We thought... with Aaron..."

Robert hid the wince he made from them before turning back around.

"It was closure. Him being back... I can finally put it to bed now. Me and Louis can really begin to make a go of it, properly."

Victoria and Diane had looked at each other with worry.

 

It had been a strange road for Robert - his sexuality was of course the bigger topic of discussion than his cheating when it all came out, which everyone had come to expect to happen apart from his family, who'd expected that Chrissie had changed him. He refused to acknowledge the fact he'd been sleeping, and fallen in love with, another man, and rather focused on the fact that he had cheated on his wife with someone, gender not meaning anything. Both Victoria and Diane had probed the topic a little after they'd decided to help him opposed to push him away, realizing in deep conversations with one another and Andy that this was probably more of a thing that came from his rocky past and his "daddy issues" - as Victoria had put them. He'd close up and change topic - as they expected - but it wasn't until a few weeks later, when the topic had been approached too many to count, that Robert had one of his "down days" and spilled his guts to his family. How he hated himself for having that kind of feelings for someone, how he knew his father would disapprove, how he was a disgusting human being and that he knew he would be judged by everyone, even if they didn't want to. But what was more surprising for him is how his family had reacted - complete and total acceptance. Andy had said how he couldn't give two shits who he slept with as long as it wasn't with who he was, Victoria had said how if anything, she felt like it explained more about Robert and how he is with people and how she felt she could have a proper relationship with him now. Diane had of course told him he was being totally daft for thinking his father did anything but love him, and how the choices wouldn't of changed that one bit. They'd all become monumentally closer because of it.

 

Robert had still struggled - the odd joke or comment, none of them malicious, had still hurt a little bit for him, but mostly, he was so, relieved. People didn't change their perception of him - he was still a lying, manipulative, cheating trash mouth with a huge ego - but they'd also begun to cut him some slack, many of them speaking about how Aaron's journey with his sexuality had shown them just how difficult it must be, which wasn't exactly welcomed by Robert to have people bring up the one person he didn't what to hear about ever again.

 

So a few months later, Robert was becoming more comfortable with it, and soon plucked the courage to go on a night out with Victoria, Adam and Finn. Robert was stiff as a board most of the night, but it seemed he mellowed when he had his tongue down the throat of 24 year old Louis who had accompanied him back to Emmerdale, and just didn't leave after that.

 

They'd all had doubts as to whether or not Robert's decision to sleep with, and subsequently stay with the first guy he'd taken an interest to since Aaron - was one of pure luck of finding someone else he truly liked, or he was doing it purely to take his mind away from Aaron. But none of them dared ask, and after a while, it stuck. There was always doubt... but no more so than Roberts, he'd just never tell anyone...

* * *

 

It was late night by now. Robert had spent the rest of the day at the pub, doing this and that, but mainly, he'd been working on something special...

 

"Robert? You in here?"

Louis opened the door to the pub to find his boyfriend at the table.

"Wow, this is fancy!"

Louis walked over to the table, filled with assorted foods, with a candle in the centre and two glasses of wine.

"Sit down" Robert asked calmly.

"What's this in aid of?"

"Can't I treat the love of my life?"

Louis blushed.

"Come on then, tuck in."

 

The two had eaten in silence mostly. Louis had observed Robert closely for a while, seeing him move his food about on his plate, then realize Louis was looking, eat a mouthful with a smile and a touch of each others fingers before repeating.

"So... how did things go with A-"

"Fine." Robert said through gritted teeth.

"Are you-"

"Yep. It's over now. We can move on from it, like we said"

Louis wasn't quite assured by the snapped response. But Robert had noticed and calmed himself down.

"Look, seeing him again, it was hard the first time. But the second? I realized just how much I've moved on. I love you completely, Aaron's my past now, I don't need him or want him... I want you." Robert said in his most convincing loving tone with a hint of Robert Sugden charm and flirtation.

"Really?"

"Really."

Robert shuffled around in his pocket.

"Which is why... I got you these."

Louis observed Robert's hand for a few moments, before taking the keys from his hands.

"They're keys?"

"Yep. To our new house."

Louis eyes opened wide.

"I sorted the deal out earlier. Me and you are now proud homeowners!"

"I.. but we haven't even?"

"I know, we've not even spoke about it yet. But why not? We've lived in each others pockets for months, we know what we want, why wait?"

Louis was silent for a few moments, fiddling the keys between his fingers.

"When do I need to be packed by?"

Robert and Louis launched together in happy laughter, hugging and kissing one another.

* * *

 

Aaron had not stopped walking since leaving the pub. He'd pulled his phone out of his pocket and text both his mum and Adam saying he was fine he was just having some time alone so they weren't to bother him. He still hadn't reacted - no crying, no angry outbursts, nothing. He didn't have anything left in him.

 

But as he walked, he realized that hoping Robert would ever have time for him again had dissipated. He knew it wouldn't be easy - but in all honesty Aaron expected to comeback and find Robert and Chrissie miraculously back together, Robert still at Home Farm, his ingression somehow wiped away with Aaron's departure, and everything got back to normal. Maybe it sounded delusional now but Aaron knew how Robert was just _that good_. And he wouldn't of been too shocked if the Whites somehow got everyone to never talk about it again, as they too, were probably _that good_. But instead he'd returned to find Robert in a new relationship - a relationship with another man, no less - living happily in his new life.

 

He said it before, maybe if Robert was happy then maybe it was all worth it. Robert got to be truly happy with someone without any lies, hidden feelings, and that's all Aaron had grown to want for Robert. It didn't stop the pit in his stomach though, it didn't stop Aaron from just wanting to have Robert's touch, his smile, everything and anything of him. He'd never get it again, and he'd have to deal with it.

 

So as he finally stopped walking, he made himself a deal - he'd be strong, resilient, and move on from everything in the last seven months, or do the best he could. He'd get his life back on track and make people realize that he could at least somehow rebuild his life the way he wanted to.


	7. Chapter 7

Aaron arrived back at Butlers Farm somewhere around midnight. Adam had been waiting up for him, and was shocked to find Aaron walking in with a pack of beers and a pizza, knowing Adam would be waiting.

 

The two of them laughed and joked, drank and ate, talked and talked. Aaron never let on anything about the seven months and Adam didn't ask - he knew Aaron would tell him in time.

"What time we at work then?"

Aaron smiled and Adam smiled back.

"YES MATE! 7AM sharp, Ross won't be happy, he's gotta give up you're desk!"

 

**

 

The boys had got to work at 7AM sharp, and Ross wasn't happy about giving up the desk.

"Alright Ross! I'll buy another fucking desk. It's not like you even used Aaron's for anything other than hiding a dirty mag!"

The three boys laughed after a hard days work - Aaron had fallen straight back in - be it not being able to lift as much at once. They'd pulled another deal and they'd found working as a trio was much better than they'd ever done as a duo, so they were all smiled entering the pub.

"What's all this then?"

Adam shuffled a box on the bar, before his hand was slapped away by Victoria.

"Off. It's Robert's stuff."

Aaron looked at the shifty faces around him, his mum, Diane, Victoria and Adam all looking down.

Aaron just rolled his eyes. "You can talk about him you know. I'm not gonna break."

"He's moving out love, so that means, you can move back in... if you want. All your stuffs still here!"

Aaron smiled at his mother faintly as Louis appeared in the doorway.

"Christ this man's got a lot of stuff! Good job I don't own much-"

Aaron could still feel all eyes on him from his friends and family, so he decided to break the obvious ice still between him and Louis.

"Where's the house?" Aaron asked, putting on his nicest voice.

"Um, just down the road. The Spencer's old place."

Louis gave Aaron a faint smile, he had no qualms with Aaron himself, other than what Robert had told him. But Louis was one of those "don't judge if you don't wanna be judged" characters, too nice for his own good, Aaron would probably say.

Robert soon appeared walking through the bar, large smile on his face before clocking Aaron. Aaron put his head into his pint as Robert refocused and smiled. "Last of them now!"

"Good. I don't think I could do with lifting any more!" Louis laughed awkwardly, obviously feeling the tension.

"Congratulations" Aaron sparked, not looking up only momentarily.

"Yeah. Thanks." Robert said coldly, staring at his boyfriend as he did.

They all stood in an awkward silence for some moments.

"Right! Come on then, let the unpacking commence!"

Robert and Louis darted off with Victoria and Diane right behind them. Aaron subsequently downed his pint and signalled for another.

"Mate..." Adam said faintly.

"I'm fine."

"Aaron love-"

"-I'm fine." he insisted, chewing at the side of his cheek to stop himself from showing any emotion.

"You mind if I go and check out my room then?" he chirped.

"Sure, you know where it is, Everything's as you left it." Chas smiled faintly.

Aaron patted his friends on the back and kissed his mothers cheek and walked into the back.

 

**

 

Aaron checked out his room, it was still the same just like his mother had said. He looked around, but all he could remember was the day he left....

 

_"That had to be the WORST hotel we've been to yet!"_

_"Teaches me to trust TripAdvisor then don't it?" Robert said with a slightly annoyed tone._

_"Hey, look, it doesn't matter." Aaron replied in a soothing tone._

_"It was me and you. And we've been in worse and less comfortable places. It was perfect."_

_Robert's expression softened and Aaron pulled him into a deep kiss._

_"I love you" Robert whispered against Aaron's ear, holding onto his waist._

_"I love you too" Aaron returned, once again pulling Robert into a kiss by his neck._

_They didn't know how long they'd been kissing for, all they knew is that they now had an unwelcome visitor._

_"Chrissie!?"_

 

Aaron tried to shut out the visions of what came next, the shouting, the screaming... the running away. He didn't want to go backwards. He couldn't.

 

He grabbed some fresh clothes, grabbing a shower and heading downstairs, but as he walked through to the living room, he found himself stumbling with a box.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed holding his foot, soon expecting the object below him.

He found a box, not large but seemingly heavy going by the impact Aaron felt as he walked into it. It was all taped up but it just said "ROBERT" in big letters on the front. Must be a box they forgot to take.

 

He really shouldn't. But he knew if he was to move on, he had to make waves. Robert had always been the one to come and try to diffuse issues and tension between them in the past. Aaron had to do that now. He just had to remember that Robert was in a committed relationship so going with Robert's usual first choice of kissing and throwing him into bed might not be the appropriate action here, even if it was what he wanted most.

 

So Aaron picked up the box and walked down to Robert and Louis's home.


	8. Chapter 8

Aaron wondered if it was a good idea. Was it? Was this a mistake?

No. It was a wave.

Aaron knocked thrice and heard some sort of crashing on the other side, before hearing "I'm coming!" and the door swinging open.

"Oh.. hi."

Aaron smiled at an obviously shocked Louis.

"Hi. I was at home and I stumbled on this. Think it must of been missed."

"Ooh, thanks. Truth be told I've hardly started unpacking, wanna get the TV up but it's proving harder than I expected it to!"

"Well... I could help, you know, if you wanted, that is."

"Umm..." Louis wasn't sure if inviting Robert's ex-lover into their new home was the smartest decision, but Robert was out and he really needed the help.

"Sure. You want a beer or something?"

"Yeah, that'd be a nice" Aaron smiled.

 

The two boys awkwardly shuffled around each other as they read the various instructions for the surround sound speakers, the TV wall mount and soon got to work fixing it all to the destined places. The two boys fell into a comfortable silence, with the faint sounds of a radio in the background as they worked. By the end of it, they shared a slightly awkward high five - instigated by Louis - before Louis pulled out another beer for them both and sat at the table.

 

"Take a pew."

Aaron wasn't sure..

"We probably need to talk."

Aaron understood and sat down, thankfully taking the beer and supping the first gulp.

"I just wanna say, just because I'm with Robert and I know most of the ins-and-outs between you two, doesn't mean I'm going to immediately judge you for it. Heck knows I've done some things in my time, and I prefer not to make assumptions about people because of their past. Robert seems to be content in moving on and I'm happy to do what he wants to do. I know we're probably never gonna be best mates, but I'd like it if we could be something like friends, for everyone's sake."

Aaron nodded.

"Yeah, it'd be good."

The two boys shared glances as they took more mouthfuls of their beers.

 

"It must be weird... being back here."

"Just a bit."

"Couldn't of been easy staying away with everyone here."

"Harder than leaving." Aaron propped his head down in guilt and shame.

 

"For what it's worth, I do understand."

Aaron raised his head again.

"Why you left. I mean, when I was debriefed about what went on by Vic, I gotta admit the first thing I thought was that I'd of gotten some space myself."

Aaron was slightly shocked.

"I don't know all of Robert, his family have said he changed monumentally when it all came out, but it's not stopped them from telling me that he was a dick to pretty much everyone before. Especially the ones he loves."

Aaron felt like correcting him to say "loved".. but it would of been too painful to hear.

"So like I said. I get it. And I don't think you should feel bad for going either. From what I've heard, your a selfless person... and everyone needs to be a little selfish now and again.

Aaron didn't know what was worse. How sugary sweet Louis was, or the fact that not only did he get what Aaron had done and why he'd done it, but he wasn't judging him for it.

"Thanks. It really does mean a lot."

 

Aaron and Louis smiled to one another before the door flung open.

"Fish and chips. Thought we could-"

Robert spotted both Louis and Aaron at the table, all the three of them halting in their spots.

"What's he doing here?!"

Aaron could sense the angry tone of his voice and thought it was best to leave.

"Thanks for the beer, I best be going."

Aaron walked past Robert, whose jaw was once again clenched with an angry expression. Aaron went to close the door and found Robert staring at him with the same expression, before Aaron looked down and closed the door.

 

"What the HELL!?"

"There was a box up at Diane's, he brought it down and then he helped me."

"WHY WOULD YOU LET HIM IN HERE?! IN OUR HOUSE?!

"Calm down will you, he did us a favour. We talked-"

"Oh great. What's he been saying?! What poison has he fed you?!"

"Nothing! If I'm honest, we hardly spoke about you!"

"Sure! I bet you both had a good conversation about me and how much of a fucking prick I am."

"What? Why-"

"Just save it. I don't wanna know."

Robert dropped the fish and chips bag on the floor, storming upstairs and slamming the door to their bedroom shut.

 

Louis hung his head in defeat. He'd never seen Robert so worked up before. He sat and thought to himself for a while, neither him or Robert leaving from their respective places.

Louis realized that the brief encounter between Aaron and Robert told him more than anyone else ever could...

... So he didn't unpack any more of his boxes for the rest of the night.

 

**

 

Aaron tried to shut the awkward encounter between him and Robert earlier that night out of his mind. He knew Robert was a hot head at times, so he didn't need to be told just why it was probably wrong of him to go to his new house and have a cosy chat with Robert's new boyfriend.

Shame he wouldn't get the choice not to.

 

He was soon startled as the back door of the pub flung open, Robert storming in, past him on the chair into the kitchen.

"Look if this is about-"

"SHUT IT."

"You what!?" Aaron could feel anger in him that only Robert could ever gauge out of him.

"I don't wanna hear whatever excuses or explanations you have."

"Maybe if you listened for once in your life you'd understand why-"

"DON'T YOU DARE ACT LIKE YOU KNOW ME AT ALL ANY MORE!"

Aaron scoffed. "From the looks of it you haven't changed all that much to me!"

Robert just passed over his comment. He had things to say and he wasn't gonna let Aaron interrupt him.

"Just STAY away from me and Louis! I don't want you near us! If we're in the same room, walk out. If we're on the same side of the street, cross to the other side. Don't _SPEAK_ or even _LOOK_ at either of us! You got it!?"

Aaron fought back the tears, but it wasn't working at they were just flowing freely.

"Crystal clear."

"Good."

Robert stormed past him once more, ensuring not to even brush past him, slamming the back room door shut. He headed for the back door, but halted with his hand clasped around the door handle.

He stopped in his tracks as he heard crying. He heard Aaron breaking down in the next room. Robert just shut his eyes and scrunched up his face with a grimaced expression. He headed to turn back, but he just shook his head and left, the tears on his face flying from his face from his fast movement.


	9. Chapter 9

Aaron had a hard time brushing off his encounter with Robert. But one thing he'd found is that for the first time in months, he'd found that fire in his stomach for the first time. The anger, the fight in him. Figures it was Robert to bring it out of him. The more he stewed on it, the more he realized - what right did Robert have? Aaron had been treated like dirt for months while they were sworn to secrecy - he had no qualms about hurting Aaron then. And in that time Aaron didn't have anyone - he'd pushed his mother and Paddy away to arms length the best he could, he only ever had Robert, and it's not like he had him for more than an hour or two here and there. Aaron had left - yes, but Robert had everyone to support him. And that's what had happened - everyone had rallied around him and helped him through it, and now he stood firmly on the ground. Why did Robert get to call the shots again? Aaron had let him do that once too often now. No, he'd done it more than once too often.

 

But he let it slide - for now. Nothing good would come at confronting Robert now. But there was one thing he wanted to do...

 

Aaron entered the café and headed straight for the counter, ready to devour a bacon sandwich before work. He soon scanned around him and found Louis sat on a table alone.

Aaron ordered his sandwich and pointed to where he was sitting to Bob, before walking over to Louis.

 

"Mind if I sit down two secs."

Louis shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"Umm."

Aaron rolled his eyes and sat down anyway.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. The last thing I want is for me to cause you any grief."

"No look, it's my own fault. I thought that he might be annoyed but he had no right to kick off. You were just trying to make peace and for that I thank you."

"Like I said, I don't wanna cause you any grief, so I'll stay away from you both."

 

Aaron got up from his chair but was soon halted by a hand on his jacket.

"Do you still love him?"

Aaron stood still for what felt like a century.

"W-what?"

"Do you still love him?" Louis repeated, staring Aaron directly in the eyes.

Aaron tried to look away, hide it, but he knew he couldn't. So he just nodded.

Louis gave him a faint smile. "Okay. That's all I needed to know."

Aaron was confused by his words, but Bob had soon brought his bacon sandwich over, and Louis left with a small "bye".

 

**

 

Aaron had finished his sandwich and headed towards his car, he saw the Dingle van pull up and he waved as Lisa got out.

He continued walking but soon felt an unfamiliar presence as someone wrapped their arms around his waist.

The movement terrified Aaron, him pushing away fiercely and falling to the ground with a look of complete horror.

"Woah mate, it was just a joke, calm it!" Ross looked on concerned as he extended his hand for Aaron to get up.

"No!" Aaron shouted. "I mean, I'm alright, sorry..."

"What was that about?!" Ross asked confused.

"N-nothing. Sorry, I've gotta get off"

Aaron rushed off towards his car and Ross just watched him as he left. Lisa had also been watching... and she had a terrible feeling...

 

**

 

Robert had a hard day at work. He'd been heading to a meeting when his car had packed in. He'd gotten oil over his suit jacket which left him looking a state in a shirt that was too big for him. He'd gotten to meet the client late and soon realized it was an associate of Lawrence's who didn't look pleased to see him. It soon turned out that the man had warned Robert that Lawrence had told him everything about his affair and that as a family friend to the White's he would not be doing business with Robert again. Deflated at yet another lost client, Robert then preceded to get back to the village on the bus, humiliated, dirty and in a mood from recent events. He just wanted to go home and sleep.

 

He walked towards his house to find Louis packing his things into the back of his car.

"Wait, what are you doing?!" Robert shouted, rushing to Louis as he closed the boot of his car.

Louis sighed. "I'd hoped to have done this later..."

"Done what? Where are you going?!"

"Look, come inside-"

"-No! Not until you tell me what's going on?!"

Louis just watched Robert for a few seconds.

"Why don't you tell me?"

Robert furrowed his brow. "I don't understand."

"Come on Robert. Be honest."

"I haven't a clue what you're going on about!"

Louis stood in contemplation for a few seconds.

"Aaron."

And like that Robert's jaw clenched, he looked away from Louis with a scowl on his face.

"You see? Even the mention of his name and your backs up."

"Yeah and? So I'm not completely happy he's around, so what?!"

"So, that means the doubts I've been having for some weeks are finally making sense."

"What are you talking about?!"

"I knew you know. When we first got together. They'd all delicately explained the situation to me, how you'd been a mess for months over the breakup of your marriage, your career, your life, but mostly loosing Aaron. They'd told me they didn't want me to get mixed up in you trying to cope with loosing him. They didn't want me to be the distraction."

"You never were-"

"I was. You know it. I know it. And it was amazing. We had a great time. But I always knew it wasn't real."

"IT WAS!"

"Please. I'm not angry or upset. I'm really not. I was happy to be there for you. To be the person you needed. Maybe I just got too comfortable."

"I don't understand where this is coming from!?"

"When he came back - it all fit into place. I knew you were always holding back at the start. You didn't talk to me about things, you didn't let me in all the way. Sure, you were open about your sexuality, your life with Chrissie, all that... but you never let me in on just how you felt about Aaron. Every time he was mentioned, you'd do exactly what you did two minutes ago. Not the scowl, the jaw clenching.. the glistening in your eyes. You can try and pretend all you want that it's anger, pain, frustration but it's just... love. No one can replace that, no matter how hard you tried."

Robert looked away with tears in his eyes.

"We were always on the same page. We dated, we hung out, we slept together. But we never moved forward or backwards. Yet as soon as he was back, you were buying us a house without even talking to me, you were jumping on me every two seconds. You were just trying to block him out of your system but the thing is you can't. And you never will be able to do that. He means way too much to you."

"He doesn't!" Robert shouted. "You do, we do. Me and you!"

"Stop lying to yourself Robert! You've done it for so long and now your doing it again! It's not healthy! You've been hiding most of your life, don't go back into hiding when you were so close to being out in the open, as you!"

Robert shook his head furiously.

"Why did you move in with me then? If this is how you felt?"

Louis hung his head down.

"Because I wanted to believe. I did. I never told you - but I went through something similar. I lost someone I loved, truly loved. And I kidded myself into thinking that I could replace them. And I never did and by the time I realized that it was too late. They were gone. I've been doing what you've been doing. Hiding away and pretending. This.. what we have. It's not real Robert. It never was. You don't love me. And I don't love you."

"I-I can't believe your doing this to me."

"I am Robert. You know what I'm saying is true."

 

Louis walked around his car and jumped into the drivers seat, Robert standing against the car, still.

Louis rolled the window down.

"He still feels it too you know?"

Robert looked at him.

"He still loves you. He tried to hide it just like you but he does. He can't hide that look in his eye either."

Louis dropped the keys of the house into Robert's hand, clenching it shut as Robert continued to stare with watered eyes.

"I'll be in touch about the house, it's not mine, I didn't pay for any of it, but I'm sure there is some legal stuff to deal with. Goodbye Robert."

 

Robert watched as Louis pulled away....

 

Robert just saw red. Aaron would pay for this.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mentions of sexual abuse and self-harm that some people may not want to read. I will note any other chapters that include the material.

He busied himself at work. But he couldn't stop shaking. His leg would twitch, his fingers would ruffle against each other, his lip would tremble. He tried to block it out but it wasn't working. That touch... the feel...

"You alright Aaron love?"

Aaron turned from the various pieces of scrap he was fiddling with to be greeted by Lisa.

"I just wondered, if you fancied coming round for some dinner? Everyone's out. Thought we could have a talk?"

Aaron furrowed his brow.

"Anything in particular?"

"Why don't you come round and see?" she said calmly.

Aaron had a funny feeling. He wasn't sure.

"Be round in 5. Dinner will be waiting."

And like that, she'd walked back up to the Dingle house, leaving Aaron to fret about what she wanted to speak to him about...

 

**

 

"Right on time! Sit down, sorry it's not more, but I didn't think you'd want much!"

Lisa shuffled over to the table before pointing Aaron towards the seat. He sat in it uncomfortably. Hands clenched together with his shoulders stern.

"Come on, tuck in, it'll get cold!"

Aaron wasn't understanding. He knew that there was something... Lisa had never done this with him. But he didn't want to show any sort of suspicious behaviour, so unclenched his hands and began eating.

 

They'd eaten in comfortable silence, at least on Lisa's end, before she put her knife and fork down and grabbed Aaron's hand.

He was shaking. Quite furiously, but Lisa could tell he was trying to stop himself from doing so.

"Come on... I feel like there is something you need to talk about."

Lisa knew the signs. After all, she'd experienced them herself. She'd noticed something was off when she saw him the day before, but she didn't expect what she had. It wasn't until the scene with Ross today, she felt like her suspicions were truer than she'd imagined.

"I-I'm fine."

"Aaron, your shaking love. And I think I know why."

"Please. Don't" Aaron was holding in his tears, but it wasn't going to last much longer.

"I know how it feels. I know what it's like. And I know how hard it is. It's terrifying. It's soul destroying. Please Aaron, tell me."

"I-I..."

Aaron burst into tears and fell into Lisa's lap.

Lisa, who was crying herself, soon picked up Aaron's head between her hands and brought his face to her eye level.

"Aaron... in these months while you've been away... were you raped?"

Lisa didn't need an answer as Aaron once again broke in her arms. Lisa was crying herself, kissing his hair as she stroked his back.

"It's okay Aaron, it's going to be okay..."

 

**

 

"WHERE IS HE?!"

Adam and Ross were soon startled as they turned to find a furious Robert stood in front of them.

"What? Who?"

"AARON."

Ross stepped forward. "Look mate, calm down."

"WHERE?!"

Adam and Ross shared glances, before Robert noticed a note on the table and snatched it.

 

_Gone to Lisa's for dinner, shouldn't be long - Aaron_

 

Robert had his destination.

 

Adam soon pulled on his jacket and his keys. "Phone Chas, tell him to get up to the Dingles now. I'll go over now!"

Ross nodded and soon pulled out his phone, while Adam flew off in his car.

 

**

 

"Here you go love"

Lisa passed Aaron a cup of tea, which he took thankfully and clasped the warm cup between his hands. They'd moved onto the sofa after Aaron had composed himself, both of them gasping for a drink.

 

"You don't have to talk about it yet... but I do think it's best if you talk to someone."

Aaron nodded silently.

"I don't want to pry Aaron, but I do understand."

"Mum had told me about him. Derek."

Lisa shuddered at his name.

Aaron noticed her uncomfortable change in posture. "I'm sorry-"

"-No it's fine."

The two sat in silence for a few moments.

"It was around 4 months after I left." Aaron began, Lisa watching him.

"I met this guy in a bar. I'd just gone for a drink. I'd actually been thinking about here, and thinking of coming back. But this guy.. he was, nice. Like, really nice. I wasn't looking for anything and he understood that."

Aaron took a sip of his tea.

"He came over to the flat, the one I'd rented for the month, a few times. And it was good. We just watched the footie and had a takeaway or two. But then, he came round one night..."

Lisa grabbed Aaron's hand in comfort.

"He was drunk. He was angry. I didn't even know why. He just... he seemed completely different. The nice guy had disappeared and all there was this.. monster."

 

"He flew into the flat, knocked me against the wall and told me that I was a complete time waster, that I was just a cheap scumbag who was looking for someone to pay for my meals and keep me company. He called me a rent boy and said it was time I started putting out."

Lisa just gasped.

"I fought him off at first, I punched him so hard that it'd winded him. But it just gave him opportunity to grab my waist and pull me down.... and... and then..."

"Aaron stop love"

"And then..."

"Aaron!"

Aaron stopped talking and quickly took back the tears he was about to spill.

"And you can guess what happened after."

 

Lisa stayed still for several moments, taking in the information.

"Did you tell anyone?"

"I didn't need to. The neighbours had heard me shouting and called the police. They'd turned up and dragged him off me, helped me. I spent the night at this housing place they'd put me up in. Someone spoke to me and told me about what'd happen next - the police were witness to the act and the statements from the neighbours meant he'd definitely serve time. Plus the DNA samples. After that, they asked me if I wanted to contact anyone. I wanted to - I thought about it. But I didn't want to have to comeback here like that. Come back and people see that I failed."

"Aaron... that'd of never happened. We'd of been there for you straight away."

"... So instead I just said I was going to a friends. I didn't fancy sticking around at the flat but the landlord wouldn't pay back the rent. I just didn't have the energy to fight with him. So I left, no money, no home, just nothing. But I coped."

"How?"

"I got a job at a café. Paid a pittance but it was enough for a dingy studio apartment. Didn't need much, I got by on what I needed. I ate whatever was left at the end of the work day which was usually mostly nothing but it was something. I did that for a while. But then a few weeks ago I got a call from some guy telling me he was the guys brother and that he wanted me dead. I soon contacted the police and he was cautioned but by that time, I'd had enough. I didn't have the energy to start again somewhere else. I had to comeback. I just wanted to be back home."

 

"So that with Ross-"

"Yeah. Honestly... I've dealt with it mostly. It's still there, in the back of my head.. I have nightmares too, but they're getting better, they're not as bad as they were. It was just someone's hands around my waist, not knowing who it was or anything... it just got to me."

"I totally understand Aaron... but I still think you need to talk to someone again. A professional."

"I won't go back to a shrink."

"Then someone. I can be here for you as much as I can but the thing I learnt is that you need people around you who understand."

"I don't want the pity..."

"-And you won't. Trust me. But please Aaron. Your mum. Adam. Paddy. Cain. Someone."

Aaron just nodded.

"T-thank you."

"I'm always here for you."

Lisa and Aaron had both stood up and Aaron hugged her tightly, only to pull away when the door swung open.

 

"HERE HE IS! The guy who ruined my life!"

Aaron was confused, Robert had obviously been crying and his face was red with anger.

"What?"

"You. Thanks to you, Louis has left me!"

"How.. is that..."

"OF COURSE IT'S YOUR FAULT. IT'S ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT!"

Aaron could feel the anger burning through him again.

"NO ROBERT. YOU FUCKED UP WHEN YOU STARTED FUCKING ME BEHIND YOUR WIVES BACK!"

Robert lunged forward and grabbed Aaron furiously, sending him hurtling against the wall.

Lisa screamed "STOP!" but Robert wasn't listening, he was too venomous and angry to unleash his grip.

Chas and Adam stormed into the house and saw what was happening, Adam launching himself at Robert to drag him off.

Robert was furiously staring at Aaron but Aaron was once again shaking.

"STOP IT! LET GO OF HIM NOW!" Lisa cried, Chas too shocked to do anything, and Adam had been pushed away and hurtled to the floor.

"PLEASE. ROBERT, LET GO OF HIM. CAN'T YOU SEE HE'S TERRIFIED?!"

Robert's eyes opened wide as he saw the man in front of him. Aaron was completely and utterly terrified and shaking uncontrollably. Robert released his grip in shock and saw Aaron fall to the floor violently.

Lisa pushed Robert away and dived onto the floor, holding Aaron tight swaying him.

"It's okay Aaron. He won't hurt you. It's fine. It's okay."

Robert was completely gob-smacked at his actions. He just turned around and bolted out the door. Adam had picked himself up and Chas was still stood in the same position filled with shock. Watching on.

 

What Aaron hadn't registered yet, that in the scuffle, Robert had exposed the skin on Aaron's stomach as he grabbed his t-shirt, showing several, bright red lines across his abdomen. They were fresh.

Aaron had soon noticed as he saw his mum and best friend stare at his body, pulling the t-shirt down and burying his head into Lisa's arm.


	11. Chapter 11

Robert had ran the whole way home. He couldn't believe it. What had he done? What had he become?

He coughed and spluttered as soon as he came to a grinding halt, grabbing his knees and retching at the side of the road.

"Robert?"

Victoria had seen him run towards his house and the retching, and was soon running to her brothers side.

She went to rub his back but he moved away.

"Don't. I don't deserve it. I'm a monster!" he said with his eyes still wide.

"Robert what's happened your scaring me!"

"Leave me alone. I don't need you!"

He ran the small distance to his door and slammed the door hard and locked it. Victoria banged on it but got no response.

 

**

 

"Aaron?"

Adam had approached him, still in Lisa's arms on the floor, placing his hand near his friend.

"Come on mate, it's just me."

Aaron slowly took his head from Lisa's arm and looked at him.

"I think we need to talk mate?"

Aaron just looked at Lisa and nodded.

 

He slowly rose to his feet, helping Lisa up with him. He sat on the single chair and asked both his mother and Adam to sit on the sofa. Lisa busied herself in the kitchen, keeping away but glancing at Aaron just to make sure he was okay. Chas didn't speak but just sat down, while Adam positioned himself at the end beside her.

"Just listen, just let me talk and here me out, okay?"

He wasn't sure if his mum was angry or just shocked... but he continued anyway.

"A few months back.. something happened. Something horrible, and it left me in a bad place. It was a few months after I'd left. I met a guy, just a friend and things were fine. But one night he... did something. Something I didn't want to happen. And it left me shaken. I just needed something... a release. And well, I was desperate.

"They're fresh" was all Chas muttered, before falling back into silence.

"They're not. Not that fresh anyway. It was just... It was just one night. Things just came to a head in here" Aaron pointed to his head. "And I didn't know how to deal with it. But the morning after I did it, I knew I should never have done it. It was a good two months ago now. I know it might mean nothing but trust me... I've not even thought about doing it since. It was one, horrible, mistake."

 

"Mate... you said something happened with this guy. Did he-"

"-Yes" Aaron sighed shakily. "He... he raped me."

Chas burst into tears and Adam had followed. Lisa approached them both with hands on their shoulders, and Aaron knelt beside them both.

"Look at me. Please. Both of you."

They didn't.

"Please."

Both of them lifted their heads, both drowning in tears.

"I'm okay. I am. That with Robert... it wasn't him. He was just angry. And everything else... I'm dealing with it.

"H-how? How are you?!" Chas asked.

"I'm resilient." Aaron let out a small laugh, one he knew shouldn't of happened.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY AARON!" she shouted back.

"I know. Don't you think _I_ know that!?"

He closed his eyes and calmed himself down.

"I need you. All of you. To help me. I can't do it alone any more. And I don't want to." he smiled sadly.

Adam knelt beside Aaron and hugged him. "I'm here. Always"

Chas repeated the action. "Till I die."

The three of them hugged for what seemed like a century, all releasing each other and laughing sadly.

 

Aaron could get through this. What had happened, it wouldn't define him. None of his past struggles had, and this wouldn't either.

 

"What about Robert?" Adam asked.

Aaron looked at his friend in contemplation.

"I'll deal with him. I think we've got a lot to talk about. _Properly_ talk about."

They all nodded.

"Right. Come on, I think we all need a drink."


	12. Chapter 12

"Robert?! Robert just open the door! What happened?! Please, just talk to me?!"

 

Victoria hadn't given up, and soon enough there was a crowd forming.

 

Chas had pulled up at the pub, Aaron exiting Adam's car and peering down to the crowd.

"What's going on?" Adam asked.

Aaron had a good guess.

He didn't hesitate to walk down, breaking into a fast walk before reaching the door.

 

"Vic?"

Aaron looked at Vic who was crying while bashing the door.

"He's locked himself in. I don't know why, he just started saying he was a monster and rushed inside!"

"Right." Aaron whispered, peering into the window before looking around, grabbing a rock and throwing it into the window.

 

The crowd gasped as the glass shattered, and Aaron reached through it and opened the window, before climbing through.

Victoria was about to follow, but Aaron stopped her. "I think we need to talk. Alone."

She nodded at Aaron before he walked around, hearing his mother bellow "Right you lot. Get over to the pub now, free round of drinks on me!"

 

Aaron walked through the house, filled with still unpacked boxes. He'd looked all downstairs but found nothing of Robert, so soon made his ascent upstairs.

 

He'd heard a whimper from one room, and immediately braced himself.

He pushed the door slowly, simply saying "Robert?" in a hushed tone.

 

Aaron saw Robert clenched in a ball on the bed and Robert peered up to Aaron, eyes still wide.

 

Aaron wasn't sure what to do. Did he try and comfort him? Did he leave him now he knew he was somewhat okay?

No. It was Robert, Aaron had already given up on him once. Not again.

Aaron slowly made his way to the bed, sitting on the edge and putting his hand out towards Robert.

"Don't."

"Come on, downstairs."

Aaron reached out his arm again.

"I said don't!" Robert snapped.

Aaron didn't listen and just grabbed Robert's arm, the touch sending electricity through their veins.

He peered at him with tearful eyes. "Please. We need to talk."

 

Aaron released his grip on Robert's arm and walked downstairs. He soon busied himself finding two mugs, making two coffee's and placing on the table and sitting down. He waited, he didn't know how long, but by the time Robert had come down, Aaron had drank half his coffee.

 

Robert sat down on the chair. Grabbing the coffee and taking a sip. Aaron stayed still, fiddling with the handle of his coffee mug.

 

"I'm sorry."

Aaron looked up.

"I shouldn't of snapped at you. It was wrong of me."

Aaron just nodded.

"But that doesn't change things."

Aaron nodded again. He was used to those words. He just wasn't used to not hearing the "I love Chrissie and I won't leave her" on the end of it.

"I know. We all need someone to take it out on now and again"

Both Aaron and Robert had thought back to the day.. the day Robert had confessed to his role in Katie's death and the subsequent beating - but most of all, the words that came after it all that night on the pub staircase.

"Vic's worried."

"I'm used to that by now. You'd know if you'd been here."

"Okay. I deserved that."

Robert just scoffed.

"What?"

"You deserve more than that."

Aaron could feel the anger burning in him.

"Excuse me?"

"It doesn't matter."

"I think it does. Or you wouldn't of said it."

"It. Doesn't. Matter. Drop it."

"No I won't _drop it_. We're sorting this out!"

"There's nothing to sort!"

"Oh fuck off will you! You said it was my fault Louis left. Tell me, what exactly did I do? Hmm!?!"

Robert clenched his jaw tighter as both men's voices began to raise and fill with more anger with each breath.

"If you hadn't come back, Then I'd of been happy. I'd of been happy living my life with him for the rest of my life!"

"Me coming back shouldn't change that!"

"But it did didn't it?! Because you lied to him and told him you still loved me!"

"I DO STILL LOVE YOU!!"

 

Silence fell on both of them, Robert retracting in his seat. Surprisingly, Aaron didn't cower back in the same manor.

"I do still love you" he said, now in a calmed tone. "That never changed."

Robert grimaced at his words.

"If you love someone, you don't LEAVE them the minute things get tough!"

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"What?!"

"So.. I left you when you killed Katie did I?!"

 

Her name sent both boys into a state of panic. But Aaron had started and he needed to finish.

 

"So I didn't come up to that farm, on your WEDDING DAY, and clear up the mess YOU MADE when you argued with her?! I didn't stand by you when your brother was ready to throw himself off a cliff?! I didn't stand by you when you finally, after weeks of letting ME suffer, admit to doing what you did, then continued to keep silent about it FOR YOU? Keep the affair hidden throughout EVERYTHING. Every disappointment, every rejection, every HARSH FUCKING WORD you said to me?! Every time you went cold on me, ignored me, stood me up, rubbed my face in it, all of it, all the fucking time, leaving me ON MY OWN every time you came and USED ME then threw me away like I was NOTHING. Don't you fucking DARE say I leave when things get tough! NEVER EVER SAY I LEAVE WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH!"

 

Robert had no words. Hearing it out loud. Every damn thing he'd done to Aaron, and there was still more Aaron hadn't even mentioned. He'd not even thought about it like that.

They were both crying heavily, anger seething through every word and fibre of their bodies.

 

"I had nothing else to loose through ALL OF IT. I. KEPT. QUIET. FOR. YOU. Because I was stupid enough to fall totally in love with you! The man that had a fiancée, then a wife, and told me he loved me just to keep me from spilling his secrets. Lying, manipulating me at every turn. Yet I never walked away because I couldn't bare the thought of loosing you!"

 

"I left because I had no other choice! If I had stayed, I'd of had to watch everyone be affected because I couldn't stop loving you! Everyone getting hurt, terrorized, threatened because of it! I wouldn't of survived any of it!"

Robert flung his coffee mug against the wall, smashing it furiously.

 

"WE WERE ON THE OTHER SIDE! I was yours and I needed you! I needed you to STAND BY ME and BE WITH ME, because I was fucking TERRIFIED. TERRIFIED Aaron!! I had lost EVERYTHING. And guess what?! I DIDN'T EVEN CARE. I didn't care that I lost it all, I really didn't, because I was already prepared to loose it! Because I had CHOSEN YOU! It's not my fault she managed to catch us before I had the chance to tell you!! And you LEFT! You left me alone and I was having to deal with loosing you!! I was HATED, no one gave me the time of day but I would of happily endured it all with YOU! Because I was so fucking in love with you that I could bare loosing anything, and everything, FOR YOU!!"

 

Aaron just turned away and gripped onto the kitchen counter. He wasn't sure how much more he could hear.

 

"And you know what the worst part is?! You didn't comeback. I understand you leaving for a few days, a week or two maybe, but SEVEN MONTHS. You left me to have to choose another path because ours had gone. And I can't ever forgive you for that."

 

Aaron had reached his limit and stormed past Robert, sloppily unlocking the door before rushing out.

He wanted to tell him. He wanted him to know. The reason he never came back.. the reason he couldn't.

It wasn't even the rape. It was what happened just a few days after he left that had caused him to stay away....


	13. 7 Months Earlier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback Chapter to a few days after Aaron had left Emmerdale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry if this sounds unrealistic or ruins the fic.. but I had the idea and ran with it XD The contradictions in the story are intentional, as it's done in a way to suggest that Aaron had "lied" to others in previous chapters about what'd happened. It's a little confusing, but I hope everyone understands!

"£4.50"

Aaron looked up from the table to find a waiter standing in front of him.

"What?"

"That coffee and 2 refills. £4.50"

"For this?!"

"Yes. Now are you gonna pay or not?!"

Aaron ruffled through his pockets for any loose change he'd acquired from his car, only to stand still at a voice.

"It's fine. I'll pay."

Aaron slowly looked up to find a woman standing above him.

"Chrissie."

 

"Hello Aaron."

He watched her as she wiped the chair opposite him with her coat, before sitting down.

"H-how"

"I have friends in high places Aaron. It didn't take me long to get someone to trail after you."

"Why?"

"Why do you think? You slept with my husband. And I couldn't have you running away without explaining why now could I?"

She was acting... weird. She was overly smiley, not angry or upset. She looked possessed. Aaron hadn't really ever experience Chrissie other than her public facade (Aaron was sure that, like Robert, she had some too), the instance he spoke to her about the raid a few months back and the final time - the time she hadn't stuck around to act her revenge on him.

That was now.

"What do you want?"

"First, your gonna tell me all about you and Robert. How it started. When it started. And why you were so heartless to continue it for months. Then, we're gonna talk about what I'm gonna do about it. Okay?"

Aaron was never scared of many people... but this time... he made an exception.

 

"So first. When?"

"December 4th."

She momentarily looked shocked, before composing herself.

"Before I was even married."

"Yes."

"Okay. Where?"

"I got a text from Victoria telling me that Robert had broken down. I went down there and found him at a lay by. He said his car packed in, I checked and it worked perfectly. I knew he was up to something but I played along. I went to leave and he went to make a move and pulled away, so I went to leave again and he kissed me. Next thing I know we're against my truck kissing, then he pulled away and left saying it was a mistake. Is that enough detail for you?!" he snapped.

"Plenty"

He could see the bitterness, the anger and pain brewing behind her eyes, but she wasn't about to let it spill out.

"So how did it go from there? How did you end up, 7 months later, sleeping together again.

Aaron sighed.

"I've got all day."

"He came later that night to the garage. I'd finished up and he apologized for backing off. He tried it on again and we.."

She looked in disgust before laughing.

"Oh, just perfect! So he slept with me then ran to you for seconds. What a wonderful man my husband was!"

Aaron just kept silent.

"GO ON THEN! CONTINUE! I wanna hear all about it. Don't let me stop you!"

"Fine." he said angrily. "Then I trashed his car, only to have him on top of me later that night. Christmas Day. You'd all turned your back on him for the rings so he came to me. We would of fucked then too if we weren't interrupted. Boxing day in a barn. Yeah, a barn. New Years Day in the same barn. The kiss and make-up text? Yep, that was to me. We did, by the way. Then it was a hotel. Oh, and that one was before the one when you and Katie turned up. Yeah, I was there. He chucked me out though. Next up.. oh yeah. He wanted me on the eve of your wedding but I stood him up. Wedding day, yep, he was with me then (although Aaron left out what happened after that for obvious reasons), I'm sorry though, I don't keep a diary for every single time your husband wanted to fuck me!"

"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!" she shouted, hands slamming against the table.

"It was months. Every time me pushing him away only for him to worm his way back in. Every single time." he spat, not intimidated by her standing over him.

"Your a sick human being. Even that's too good of a way to describe you."

Aaron looked away and just stared out the window, he was sure Chrissie was still staring, wishing she could kill him with just her eyes.

"So when did you tell him you loved him?"

Aaron rolled his eyes. He didn't know who it'd hurt more.

"Wedding day."

She just shook her head.

"But yeah, he married you anyway. Didn't care about me then. Didn't give a fuck. Too hell bent on marrying into you lot."

"What changed?"

Chrissie was back to being calm, and Aaron had soon realized she couldn't be completely sane at her sudden change in mood again.

"What?"

"When did he say it?"

"March. Couldn't loose me apparently."

He didn't know why he was being so blunt about things. Maybe it was the freeing feeling of finally being honest, even if he felt like dirt.

"So you just carried on. All that time."

Aaron looked her in the eyes again, turning his head back to her. "Yep."

She just scoffed. "I feel sorry for you."

"Thanks. But I don't need your sympathy."

"And I don't need yours, not that you seem to care about how I'd feel throughout this."

"Oh I did. And so did he. Even after all this time, he refused to leave you. Told me countless times, again and again how much he loved you, he'd not leave you for me. I was second best. But I was too much of a coward to let him go for it."

"He didn't love me. No one does that to someone they love."

"He seemed to be under the impression he loved us both. Couldn't loose either of us. Difference was, he had a lot more to loose with you. All he lost with me was a quick bunk up."

The bitterness in his voice at potentially how true that was sickened him.

 

"Right. Now for what we're gonna do about it."

"Go on then. Humour me."

"I thought about castrating you both. Robert's always thought with his dick, so he'd probably run around like a headless chicken if that was gone."

"But I don't think that'd bother you. Not really. But I suppose knowing the fact you "love" each other, means I get to be a little more daring."

Aaron didn't like where this was going.

"So how about this."

Chrissie pulled out a document before scattering multiple photos against the table.

"Chas, Debbie, Zak, Lisa, Adam, Belle, Samson, Sam, Sarah, Jack, Victoria, Paddy, Leo, Cain, oh and lover boy. Can't forget him."

Aaron hid the horror on his face as he realized the photos were all candid shots... taken where they couldn't see them been taken.

"Every single one of them has a dartboard on their back. You step ONE FOOT near that village again, and I'll have them all killed. Every. Single. One."

"You fucking bit-"

"-Ah ah ah. I have the man already on speed dial. You see my fathers met some great men in his time. A few dodgy blokes too. But they're all the same when money is involved. And he's paid for life too. So it's not a few weeks then your off scott free, no, this is for life. A man in wait to shoot the minute I call."

"This isn't some action movie. You can't just go around killing people."

"I think you'll find I can Aaron. Your young, naive, you obviously don't know how the world really works. There are dangerous people out there Aaron! And your sat opposite one!"

"Even if this was the case, you can't follow me forever. How would you even know I'd have gone back?"

"Because Aaron. I know you won't risk it. Not really. Especially when I have a friend over there who will be following you for the rest of your miserable, lonely life."

"You can't. It's not possible."

"Face facts Aaron, it is. And even so, like I said, you won't risk it!"

 

Aaron just trembled in his seat.

 

"And as for lover boy... well, he seems hellbent on destroying his life anyway. Can't face me leaving him, so he's taken to the bottle. I'd give him a few weeks, a months tops before he's found in a pool of his own sick. I'll be sure to send you the pictures when it happens!"

"All this just because he cheated on you?! There are millions of people who get cheated on, your no different. Why go to all this trouble?"

"I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with him. He obviously didn't think the same. So now, both of you are gonna spend the rest of yours alone."

Chrissie rose to her feet, patting Aaron on the shoulder.

 

"So like I said. Stay away, never go back. Don't contact them, we'll know if you do. Have a nice life Aaron. I'm sure we'll be in touch."

 

And he did. The thought of any of them dying, any single one of them, terrified him to his core. She was right - he wouldn't risk it. He couldn't.

 

 

**

 

 

**\---THREE MONTHS LATER---**

That was until three months later.

 

Aaron was sat in the café once again. It'd been three months since the day he'd seen Chrissie. He'd received a text from her number demanding a meeting. Same place, same time.

Aaron sat, fingers twitching at the possible outcome. Had Chrissie come up with a new form of torture? To bask in the news that someone he loved had died. He'd tormented himself with the possibilities...

 

...But was left in total shock at finding Lawrence entering and sitting across from him.

 

"Hello, Aaron."

Aaron looked up at him.

"Lawrence."

"I'm going to keep this short."

Aaron nodded.

"The hit-man has been called off. The man who has been following you? Gone. Your family and loved ones will remain safe. You don't have to sit and worry about it any longer."

Aaron was in a state of shock, of disbelief.

"I don't understand."

Lawrence rubbed his forehead.

"Chrissie had driven herself mad, over all this. She's become someone who is no longer my daughter. I want to fix that."

Aaron just listened.

"She needs a fresh start. A clean break. She can't have that if all this revenge stuff is still around."

Aaron sighed with relief,

"Do not get my intentions wrong. What you did to my daughter... I fully hold the both of you responsible for that. And even though you've suffered, and I don't believe you've suffered enough, I believe that... as hard as it is to believe. I understand some of it."

Aaron continued to look shocked.

"You know my history Mr. Livesy. Me and Edna's husband. I think there are similarities... and for those similarities, I cannot blame either of you for everything. Most. But not everything."

Lawrence rose from his seat.

"You won't be hearing from me or my daughter again. Trust me when I tell you, you are free to go home and no harm will come to any of your family or loved ones. They will not pay for your mistakes."

"Thank-"

"Do not thank me. Just make sure you never see me or my family again."

 

**

 

 

Aaron had sat in the café for some hours after that. Was he really free? Could he.. go home? The one thing he'd wanted to do for so long? It couldn't be real. It couldn't..

 

... Could it?

 

Aaron had returned home that night, filled with hope. He knew returning would be a difficult journey, but one he was willing to face.

 

That was until later that evening... when he had a drunken, angry visitor at his door...


	14. Chapter 14

Both Robert and Aaron kept out of everyone's way for the next few days. Aaron had remained in his room at the pub, Adam convincing Ross that Aaron had some things to deal with. Chas had tried to get through to him but he wanted to be alone. She was also reeling from the fact Paddy had extended his course, yet she refused to tell him over the phone that Aaron had returned and everything that came with it. Rhona was inpatient and said she would tell him, but she never did. Aaron had told Adam about his talk with Robert, who had relayed it to Vic. Adam also filled her in with what happened up at the farm, but only Robert's actions, not the revelations from Aaron.

 

Robert had locked the door again at his house. He'd text Victoria that he was fine but he needed space himself. He boarded up the broken window and since then, nothing. Victoria had delivered some shopping round... leaving at the door, only to find it gone when she went back an hour later. It could of been stolen, but the "thank you" note in her brothers handwriting left on the step indicated otherwise.

 

Chas, Adam and Lisa agreed to keep quiet about Aaron's revelations. They were his problems to tell, and when he was ready, he'd tell them to whoever he wanted. Both families were increasingly worried, so much so they'd began to have unintentional meetings at the pub for a beer and a natter, giving each other updates about the other boy. It wasn't until a week later that they were shocked to find Robert out and walking into the pub.

 

"Pint please. Preferably without the third degree."

He sighed as he sat down on the stool. He'd not spoken to Chas, Adam or Lisa since their encounter and he could see how Chas had gone back into "seething" mode with him. Although he was sure she seemed more irritated than normal, he struggled to care.

 

Everyone seemed to be walking on egg shells around him. But Victoria wasn't playing.

"Oi. In the back now."

"I'm drinking."

"And you can drink back their too. Now."

He gave in and slumped from his chair, entering the back.

 

The moment he walked in, he received a swift back-hander across his head.

"Woah, what was that for!"

"For being an idiot! Adam told me what you did at the Dingles. I totally understand you were upset, but there was no need for that!"

"And I apologized."

"Shortly before you preceded to have a go at him."

"And he had a go back."

"Yet nothings sorted?"

"And it won't be. He said his piece. I said mine. I'm not forgiving him."

"So you're being stubborn."

"This is past that. I'm deadly serious Vic. I don't want him in my life."

"I find that hard to believe."

 

Chas had heard the commotion and soon entered.

"What's with all the shouting?"

"Trying to talk some sense into muppet here!"

"Sense? Since when did any of this make sense" he scoffed.

"He loves you Robert" Adam said calmly.

"That. Changes. Nothing."

"And you love him" Victoria interrupted.

"I love Louis."

"Louis is gone, and we know the reason why."

"Because of Aaron."

Chas was seething.

"Yeah, but not in the way you mean it. Because he knows that you still love Aaron and once you've gotten over this anger, you'll want him again."

"Never gonna happen. He's a selfish bastard who ran at the first hurdle!"

Chas couldn't stand much more... not when she knew her son didn't deserve it.

"Apart from it wasn't the first hurdle was it?! It was like the tenth at this point!" Victoria snapped.

"Still."

"I don't understand. Aaron told me you spoke about this. You both made mistakes. You both screwed up. Isn't that kind of the reason you two are meant to be together?" Adam asked.

"No. That's what makes us a car crash."

"Robert-"

"NO. I will never forgive him for leaving! He ruined us. He caused this!" Robert wasn't sure if he even believes his own words any more... but denial was stronger than ever.

 

And then. Chas snapped.

 

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE WENT THROUGH. WHAT HE HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL ALONE. HE WAS TERRIFIED, ALONE AND FELT LIKE HE COULDN'T COME BACK BECAUSE OF WHAT THAT MAN-"

"-CHAS" Adam shouted. He would not let her be the one to blow the secret out. It had to be Aaron if he wanted to. Not like this.

Robert was confused.

"What man?!"

Adam shot Chas a furious face and she just held her mouth shut, regretting her outburst.

"Nothing. I was just spouting. Ignore me."

"No. You said a man. Who made him feel like he couldn't come back?!"

Robert was approaching Chas at a snails pace, knowing she knew more than she was letting on.

"It-It's not my place. Please. I shouldn't of said anything."

"Tell me Chas."

"I can-"

"TELL ME!"

She shuddered at the anger in his voice.

"Fine. If you won't tell me-"

Robert barged past Chas and Adam and bolted for the stairs. He made his way up swiftly, a man on a mission.

 

He stormed up to Aaron's door and basically broke it from it's hinges, sending the cabinet hidden behind the door keeping it from being opened hurtling to the ground.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

Aaron had jumped up and was looking furiously at Robert.

Robert slammed the door shut and grabbed the cabinet, pushing it against the door once more.

"Start talking" he said, breathing heavily.

"What are you talking about." Aaron replied in a small voice.

"Your mum said you stayed away because of someone. I wanna know who."

"She shouldn't of said anything-"

"-Tell me."

"No."

"Tell me Aaron."

"I can't!"

"Why not?!" he shouted furiously.

"Because if I tell you then everything changes! I know things are hard now... but I'd rather have you hating me that seeing me as... seeing me.."

 

"Aaron?"

For the first time in months. Robert wasn't angry. He wasn't distant, or cold. He was concerned. He could see it in Aaron's eyes. The terror. The pain.

Aaron just stared at him, lip trembling.

"Please. Tell me." Robert's voice was but a whisper.

 

Aaron turned around and sighed shakily.

"Aaron look at me."

"I can't. If I'm gonna do this.. I-I can't."

Robert braced himself, sitting on the cabinet against his door.

"It was a few months ago."


	15. Chapter 15

Robert sat intently on the cabinet. His hands grasping at the edges. For the first time in months, he looked at Aaron properly.

 

Aaron was facing away but Robert could see the toll these last few months had taken on Aaron too. He saw the skinniness. He saw the frailness. This wasn't the same man Robert had fallen in love with. But did that even matter anymore? It was still Aaron.

 

"I'm gonna start from the beginning. From the day I left until now. I want you to listen. I don't want you to comment or react until I've finished. Alright? I know I have no right to ask this of you, but if I'm going to get through this, I'm gonna need that from you. Okay?"

Robert nodded.

"I need you to say it Robert, you do realize I can't see you if your nodding with my back facing you?"

Robert would of laughed if he wasn't so scared. "Okay."

"Right..."

 

"It was a few days after I'd left. I was only going for a few days - I just needed space. I left without thinking and I regretted it the moment it happened. I wanted to comeback but by that point, I knew I had to stay away for a bit to sort myself out. I would of been no use to you or anyone else in the state I was gonna be in."

 

"Chrissie found me."

Robert was shocked at his words. He just presumed Chrissie had focused her attention on him - he had no idea she'd gone looking for Aaron.

"She came to me while I was in a café in Sheffield. She had someone follow me, apparently. She confronted me and asked me for every detail. I didn't know if you'd told her, but I thought by that point, it wasn't worth lying or hiding from anymore. So I told her how and when we started, how things developed. Left out the obvious elephant in the room. Told her when I told you I loved you. When you claimed you loved me (he felt like getting that dig in there). All of it. Right up to the day she found us."

Robert nodded and continued listening.

"She told me I had to stay away. That she was targeting all of you. All of you. And that if I even contacted any one of you she'd know. I'm guessing you're aware of your ex wives and her fathers connections. Yeah well, she had someone following me at all times, and she had a hit-man ready to pounce on the lot of you if I didn't do as she said."

Robert should of been shocked - but he was more than aware of the connections Chrissie had.

"Aaron, I didn't kn-"

"-Robert, please."

Robert closed his mouth. He was going to do as he was told for once.

"Anyway. So for three months, I was followed. I did exactly as she said. I was too scared of what she could do to you all. I wouldn't have that on my back too. Then Lawrence met me. He told me how Chrissie was obsessed with it, keeping an eye on me, making sure I didn't go back. He knew that if she was going to get herself out of it, he had to put a stop to it. So he did. He called off the hit-man, and stopped the man following me. Assured me that he understood to a degree what with him and his past, but that he didn't want to see me ever again. No one would get hurt because of our mistakes."

Robert thought. _So why didn't you comeback after_ that?

Little did he know, that was coming.

 

"I packed my stuff, and I was gonna come home... but..."

The emotions were getting the better of him. This was the third time in a short time he'd now spoken about this.. and it wasn't nice to relive.

"I met a guy throughout all this. Purely a friendship, nothing else. We hung out a bit. Watched footie, had a takeaway. But... he got angry one night. Stumbled up to my flat drunk."

Aaron bit his cheek to stop himself from showing the emotion, but his voice was getting weaker.

"And.. he pinned me against the wall.."

Robert just opened his eyes in horror. All he could do was mouth "Oh no" and stand up slowly.

"And... he tried... he tried..."

Robert was approaching Aaron slowly but surely.

"I winded him. I fought him off me, but he caught me off guard..."

Robert was centimetres from Aaron.

"He dragged me down and he.. he.."

Robert grabbed Aaron and spun him around, pushing Aaron's head into his chest and clung to him tight, both their eyes busting with tears.

"I couldn't stop him... I couldn't stop him... I tried.. I tried so hard..."

"Aaron, please!"

"I was so scared! I was so terrified!"

Aaron crumbled in Robert's arms and Robert let him - but he wouldn't let him fall. Robert used every ounce of strength to keep Aaron together the best he could.

"I couldn't come back... not after that... I couldn't..."

"I should of protected you!" Robert said angrily through his tears.

"You couldn't of been there, you couldn't of stopped him!"

"I shouldn't of let you go! Aaron I'm so sorry! I shouldn't of let you go!"

 

The two boys fell to the floor, still clinging to one another.

"I love you so much Aaron! I never stopped loving you, I missed you so much! I can't loose you again, please, never leave me again!"

"I'm damaged!"

"NEVER SAY THAT! Okay?! You're not! You'll never be!"

Robert brought their heads together before kissing him softly, yet somehow managing to project all the longing, all the need, all the passion and love into it. They just cried into one another, holding each other. And both of them were sure they'd never let go again.


	16. Chapter 16

It was late night/early morning by now. Both Aaron and Robert had moved to the bed and got under the covers. Neither could sleep. So instead they sat staring, facing one another, noses clashing gently as they exchanged kisses. Aaron's arms were against Robert's bare chest while one of Robert's arms rested tightly on Aaron's hip while the other teased his stomach.

"I've missed this." Aaron whispered as he kissed Robert with a groan.

"I've missed you." Robert whispered back.

"We've still got more to talk about you know."

"I know. But not now. Let's just... stay like this. Just me and you."

Aaron closed his eyes in complete content.

"I never thought we'd be back here. Like this." Aaron commented.

"Me neither. But I always hoped. Every time I fell to sleep. Only thing that kept me from becoming an insomniac to be fair." Robert laughed.

He didn't want to broach the subject, but he felt like here... in this position. He could.

"I noticed."

"What?" Aaron asked.

"The scars."

"He felt Aaron tense slightly and lower his head, Robert just pushed his head back up instinctively.

"Hey. I'm not mad. I couldn't be. I know you'll of had your reasons, even though it kills me to think you felt you needed to."

"I did. Have my reasons that is."

"Then that's that. Just as long as you promise it never happens again. Alright? This time for sure?"

"I promise. It was one stupid night, one stupid mistake."

"Better of been!" he says sternly, but filled with love.

 

"Are you okay?"

Robert looked up in a daze at Aaron.

"I just want you to be honest with me. It won't hurt me. Do you miss Louis?"

Robert sighed.

"Honestly? No. Not now. He was a really nice guy, but deep down we both knew what it was. I was so hell bent against admitting it - guess I'm used to doing that - but I found out he was just doing the same as me. We both pretended like we'd found the love of our lives because we couldn't have the real thing. We both wanted to believe it, but it would of never worked. We were just using each other as a distraction."

"You do realize I started off as a distraction don't you?" Aaron said with a smirk.

"Yeah... the best distraction ever." Robert laughed against Aaron's lips.

Aaron began to trail his hands from Robert's chest, making his way down to Robert's...

"We don't have to. If it's hard..."

"Well it's been pushing up against my thigh for hours.."

"I'm serious."

Even though he was, he laughed. They were talking, for the first time in months, honestly and openly. Even though they had such hard and emotional topics to talk about, this way, intimately, calmly, lovingly, it was the best way for them.

"I thought it would be. But so far, I've not felt panic or scared, I can't with you. And with you it's so much more than just a quick leg over, we both know that. I suppose, I know I'm safe with you."

"You are. And you always will be."

"I know. Which is why I want this..."

Robert groaned as Aaron grabbed his length in his hand. He began with a slow tugging, feathering kissed on Robert's exposed chest, Robert rubbing Aaron's back before clenching at his arse.

"I'm sorry. For everything. From December 4th until today, I'm sorry for it all." Robert said clearly.

"I'm sorry too... but it got us to this point today. I can't be sorry for that."

And like that, Aaron rolled Robert onto his back and pushed his body into Robert's....

 

 

**

 

 

Robert picked up the clock from Aaron's bedside. 10:33AM. The latest he'd slept in months. Maybe it was the fact he and Aaron spent the night awake, making love, talking, laughing, enjoying each other again. Or maybe it was the contentment of hugging against the one person he could never live without again. He wouldn't need to.

Aaron remained asleep in Robert's arms, Robert returning his arm from the clock around Aaron giving him a gentle squeeze and kissing his hair for a long while, taking Aaron in again.

 

It wasn't until this moment Robert had realized that this was the first time since the affair had come out that they'd been together, like this. It didn't feel too different - other than the heavy emotional relief he felt, because it always felt right, being laid with Aaron. The difference was though is that they were free. Robert wouldn't have to sneak away, make excuses, disappoint the man he loved. He could stay forever and not ever have anyone be able to say a word.

 

He felt a warm relief as he also realized that this was the first night Aaron had slept without movement, without a nightmare or word uttered other than whispering "I love you". Because of course Robert had listened in to conversations Victoria or Adam or Chas would have with others about Aaron - hiding away, taking in every detail. He'd heard about the sleeping, and he felt a sense of pride that, it was possible he and put a stop to them, at least for one night. Aaron was actually.. smiling. He looked content. He looked happy. It was just a comfort to him. Such a comfort, he happily smiled next to Aaron, falling back asleep...


End file.
